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Tuesday, 31 August 2010

University

Today, i can't really think of any guides. So im just gonna leave a small pointer

University is like being on the dole, leeching off society and generally wasting away - except your family is proud of you.


Also, i have my driving test tommorow, wish me luck. Incidentally, tommorrow's lesson is most likely gonna be about how to fail your driving test.

Monday, 30 August 2010

Why leaving your house is beneficial

In an attempt to reach out to his specifically targetted audience (I.e internet users) Mr.Character constantly looks for ways to create content that is relevant to his users. thats whys today's blog post is aimed at getting basement dwellers outside by providing them with a list of reasons why such activities are actually good for them.



1) People live outside. People are useful as they can be used to attain goods and services. Without knowing people you cannot get stuff. (how do you think you bought your pc in the first place?) Going outisde can also help you get more monies. And everyone needs more monies.

2)Sexy people of the opposite gender - yep, thats right, this point only comes 2nd to goods and services. Your not gonna get laid if you spend all your time behind your computer. Get out more fag.

3)Vitamin E - you get it from the sun. Without it you die. 'Nuff said. It also makes you a lot happier, apparantly.

4)Theres only one way your ever gonna get noticed - and its definately not by staying in all day. Actually do something with your life. When you die you need to make sure you leave behind a huge legacy, the more people that know you, the greater the potential of said legacy. Dream big. Live big.

5)I actually can't think of anymore reasons and to be completely honest, leaving your house is overrated anyway. It's not like you were gonna get anywhere anyway. I shall leave you now with a little picture that summarises our lesson today:

Sunday, 29 August 2010

Public transport - your guide through it

Oh yes, buses, trains, trams, they're all there to get you from one place to another and they all totally suck donkey balls. Here, Mr.Character gives you a few handy pointers in how to deal with encounters during the daily grind.

1)If you have your ipod on, always be a DJ. Other people can probably hear the music through your earpieces. And a skinhead listening to lady gaga doesn't looks particularly inpresive, in fact, it will make you look like a mug.

2)On a cold day, open all the windows around you, shut them on hot days. If you do this, people will be less likely to sit next to you and you really dont want your average commuter to be sat next to you - trust me.

3)Wear some deodrant Goddamnit. I hate people that stink and you should too. Dont be one of those people.

4)Sit on the outside seat, so people have to ask you to sit next to them. Can provide you a handy getaway and ensures that you wont be sitting next to a 30 stone lardball, thus saving your internal organs from being crushed.

5)If it's particularly packed, stand as close to the door as possible. As you dont want to miss yoru stop. People tend to be reluctant to move and you could end up miles away from where your intending to go. This is bad.

6)Don't talk to strangers. Not because they'll take you away but because they're damn right annoying. Do you really wanna listen to a guy talk crap about something you care nothing about? You will have a better journey if he never spoke to you in the first place. For this reason always bring your ipod, but remember to adhere to rule #1

7)Be aggresive. Public transport is a dangerous place and politeness goes out the window (particularly with trains) try and stand as close to the doors as you can, especially if you want a seat, and never be a pushover or you wont even get on the thing.

And lastly be thankful you don't ever have to get on one of these beauties
.....Or if you do, pissed to be you.

Saturday, 28 August 2010

How a night out can fail

On the assumption that everyone has been in this situation before. I.e having a great night out planned and then watching it wither up and die and leaving you to sit at home on your own mindlessly watching whatever rubbish just happens to be on tv until about 4am or some other ridiculous time. Mr.Character has listed a few of the more common ways in which an average night out will fail. Remember to bear these points in mind before you head out on a weekend

*YOU fail to plan anything - When you want to go out, and neither you nor anyone else has a plan. You spend hours of calling credit asking people whats happening, and they're busy doing the same thing. In order to have a guaranteed successful night out, you need to make sure that *someone* actively has a plan and you dont just assume someone else will plan, otherwise do it yourself.

*You don't have calling credit - The world doesn't come to you. If you can't communicate, dont expect anything to happen for you, simple enough.

*You spend too long on the internet - Counterintuitive, i know, if i want you to continue reading this blog. But yes. Facebook et al do practically FUCK ALL to help you out in the real world. For this reason, screw social network websites and go get some real friends.

*Leaving things to the last minute - As a general statement, you can't get your entire social circle out in 30 minutes. (unless your superman or something.) so you might wanna think ahead and have people know about the idea well in advance, an obvious point but yeah

*When your with people you dont like. - Its probably best to not go out in the first place if this is the case, unless there's some hot guy/girl there that you want, its not worth it.

*You get too intoxicated too early - Seriously, don't do this, if you can't hold your drink that badly, drink less, if you still want to look cool go sly and do something like buy a sprite but tell everyone its a vodka and sprite. Works every time (until they taste it)

*You NEED that kebab - No No No. IF your on someone. do NOT buy a kebab or food of this general description, you don't want to ruin a whole nights efforts by disgusting your accuired target at the last hurdle.

*You fail at life - Get a job, Captain Neckbeard!

As a general statement if you wake up anything like this:

Then you probably had a decent night out.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Because...

While im here, i think it may as well be useful doing something that is actually productive. So yeah.