Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Taking advantage of procrastination

It happens to the best of us. Those times where there really is fuck all to do. For whatever reason, it may be too late to do anything productive, you're waiting around or quite simply you have nothing to do. But WHAT tools are in your arsenal to deal with that ever-present demon that is procrastination? Well, Mr.Character explains.

Getting straight down to business, YOU, dear reader, have at your disposal EVERY manner of weponary you could ever need to combat procrastination. Here is your guide:
* Waste all of your hardearned time doing those online surveys offering you money!!! - You do realise that you, nor anyone else in your situation, has or will make money off of these things? Jesus chrrrrrrrrist, don't do this if you actually wanna make serious p. If you want to make money, a better idea would be to play the lottery, at least there's some chance you'll win. Although, if you want to sit around and answer the same questions x amount of times waiting to get a hint of someone giving you anything for your hard work, be my guest.

* Push ups - Do them motherfucker. Got nothing to do? don't stuff your damn face with food. Do just a few push ups at a time and soon you'll know the difference, seriously.

* Make a list of all the people you hate and then decide on creative and graphic methods of killing them in your mind. Not quite the most psychologically safe thing to do.... But y'know.

* Write songs, play an instrument, poetry, writing, whatever. These enhance your mental capacity and something may be actually worthwhile and you'll feel proud of yourself. If not, congratulations!! Time wasted sucessfully.

* Drink beer. Need i say more?

* I simply refuse to mention a certain book about faces... But yes, that does waste your time well. But you won't notice. Kinda good for wasting your time with other people who have nothing better to do than waste some more time.

* Write a list about things you should do when your procrastinating.... Or maybe thats just me....

Like the common cold, there is no permanent cure to procrastination, but like drugs, it can be controlled. So try and keep your head cool and stay safe everyone!!!!!
Mr.Character off in this!!!!!

Monday, 13 June 2011

What to do if you get stranded

Okay heres the scenario: You and a handful of friends embarked on a train journey to somewhere pretty damn far away, say a 1 hour train ride, in order to go to a mutual friend's birthday party. The party ends, you go to the station and BANG! You have all successfully managed to miss the very last train of the night.
None of you have more than £5 (or whatever currency) In change in your pockets, with no other means of getting home. What do you do? Here Mr.Character explains all the need-to-know survival skills necessary to get out cold

*Don't wait at the train station - Why? Well, for a number of obvious reasons really
           1) They're not exactly the safest of places, you're in a confined location in a strange place inevitably nodding off. You're basicly asking for a robbing
           2) You'll get colder faster, obviously, movement is key
           3) It'll take longer to actually get home (probably....) time is money
           4) It's boring - have an adventure!!!!!
           5) The train station has no booze.

*ALWAYS have at least some money saved up for booze, but not too much. Walking along for hours on end will be frustrating, your feet will hurt and other moaning individuals really won't help. Have a little bit of alcohol money around just in case. Also, if there are no shops that serve alcohol that late, the promise of alcohol to come from the service station several miles away will definately have your pals walking at a significantly increased rate. Do it.

* Motorways are your friends. Now, it might not be the safest thing to walk along a motorway at night, but seriously. That one direct route with plenty of roadsigns to show you where you're going? Service stations along the way? If you can all walk in single file along these miracles of modern innovation, then you're trip will be eased significantly. AND you probably won't die. Probably.

*Stop at service stations - these are few and far between. So have some food, take a bit of rest, but don't stop altogether. As you may as well have just stayed at the station. about 20 minutes is a good idea.

*Sing songs, tell stories, do anything to pass time. If you make it memorable, it becomes memories, and this unbeknownst adventure becomes something your small group can share in thier friendship for years to come. If it was a petty bitchfest, its not fun. Leave the arguments, take the group singalongs.

*If you REALLY need to get out. Hitch-hiking in a random strangers car is not the most sensible of ideas. if you can find a police officer though, jackpot. Pester them to give you a lift down the motorway and suddenly your trek has become a lot less treacherous.

All-in-all by staying focused, keeping a collective group effort and remaining cheerful, you can turn what looks to be like a hellish situation into a lifetime memory. Good Luck..
Mr.Character out.

What exactly just happened?

Trees sway through the wind, sometimes crashing down to the ground by the same kind of force used to send many a sailor to thier peril on the harsh oceans. Seasons change from one to another with merely a bat of an eyelid from many of mother natures impressive biological spectators.

So too, does the time come when Mr.Character returns from a seemingly eternal slumber, during which this page was left to fester in the dying realms of cyber space.
But alas, with all the power of an almighty phoenix arising from dead ashes, Mr.Character has considered this the perfect time to return to the world of blogging and teaching all of you, very loyal readers, how to enhance your life in a perfectly humourous manner:

Hello everyone!!!!! I know its been a while, but now i am ready to make my glorious return and this time round i hope to provide you with a more interesting, witty and resourceful read to hopefully improve you, if just that slightly little bit.

The experiences i have encountered on my hiatus will no doubt be central to some of my new guides and lists. Like a fine cheese, i have matured into something even better.

So i do hope you are looking forward to hearing more from me, and i certainly can't wait to see your replies. If you have any suggestions about situations you'd like to see, or you'd just like to say hi (I like interaction) Please pop in with a comment

Anyways, whilst i get to work, have a nice picture of a camel silencing a small child