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Thursday, 2 September 2010

How a basement dweller can make first contact with a girl

Girls, we've all heard of them. Some of us may have even seen one of them before, and if they're lucky enough, had actual conversations with them. Unfortunately this is not always a real option for your average basement dweller. For this reason Mr.Character has assembled his latest guide which will help you get into contact with a girl, and hold her attention (and hopefully be able to walk away without an eyeful of pepper spray)

You, Before Guide.

1) Appearances are everything. First things first, SHAVE YOUR NECKBEARD GODDAMNIT. If you look like you've just come out of a cave for the first time in ten years, no girl is gonna want to get anywhere near you. While your at it, you may as well shave any other unsightly hair (but don't go completely hairless, thats just gay)

1b) Haircut - Its on the top of your head, hence one of the things people will notice about you first. A dirty, greasy mop is bad. Get a decent haircut. If you MUST have long hair, make sure its washed and generally sorted out

1c) Clothing - A mudkip t-shirt with stains from last weeks pepperoni pizza is going to impress 0 girls. Bear this in mind when you walk outside with it. Wear clothes that compliment your style, but more importantly that are clean and don't make you look like you have the mentality of a 12 year old. Theres probably a lot more info on the internet about proper clothes selections. But this is the jist of it

2) Have a job - Women are attracted to material possessions, usually more so than looks. By being a guy who appears to have plenty of possessions, women will be all over you like flies on shit. True stories.

3) Location, location, location - Yes, where you are DOES matter. For example, chatting up girls when your in the middle of your dead end job as a bin man will probably not land you anywhere. Whereas, a social gathering organised by your friends is a ripe breeding ground for single wimminz, go figure.

4) Confidence - I cannot stress the importance of confidence enough. You've got to be the one to make the moves. Albeit in our "not-sexist-in-any-manner" society, you'd think equality would dictate that the odds of  a woman confronting a man and vice versa would be around 50-50. Its not. Therefore, no confidence = no women.

5) Rohypnol

6) Offer to get her a drink - Or whatever, this means that you can have an opportunity to sit down and maybe even have a conversation with her, which is your ultimate goal. Just remember when you begin talking to her dont start the "im lonely" epic speech. This will put all your hard work to waste

7) Mannerisms are important - Look at James bond for example. He gets pussy, he's also polite. Dont walk up to a girl like a bumbling idiot. Go for a suave approach and remember to always be polite. It does tend to go a loooooong way.

Right, thats all i have to say. Now go my pretties into the real world, find that biatch your looking for. And if all seems to be going wrong and it looks like there just isn't anyone around remember that 50% of the worlds population are women. thats like 5billion of them or some shit. Never give up!

You, After Guide


  1. Guide is great. Guide changed my life! lol

  2. Great guide! It was an enjoyable read, keep it up, I can't wait to see more!

  3. This is great! Not that I'll need it ;D

  4. Finaly someone made this :p

    you're subscribed ^^

  5. Before/after pics? +1 Internet to you

  6. ahaha, great tips on life, nice to finally view a blog with some original content

  7. liked the last thing.. never give up you speak truth man !

  8. BOOM, Support package everywhere

  9. showing my support following.
    Follow back :)

  10. I'll make sure to follow the advice except for "5"

  11. never hurts to hear what you already know.

  12. This is my general approach. Literally no results in months.

    2/10 :/

  13. Ahah! That's so funny! Thanks for the guide.

  14. Why was option 5 crossed out? :( :( :(