Sunday, 19 September 2010
With the corporate life in full swing and everything seems to be going at full pace like a rocket ship on its way to uranus, Mr.Character has deemed it necessary to provide a guide that will enable his loyal following to get through these boring as hell events and back to your normal life of sitting on the computer watching the clouds float by in one piece.
Right, I've been a little busy this weekend. Namely attending a weekend long business meeting. Which gave me a brilliant idea for my next blog: How to survive business meetings. Now, im not one for "the man" and fuck the corporation and all that jazz. So obviously i've discovered a few little things that had managed to piss me off but its all good though because at the end of the day i knew i'd be writing to you all so you can learn from my mistakes.
How to survive business meetings
*Sit next to someone stupid - because, surprise surprise, they'll make you look slightly less unintelligent. This makes perfect sense and you should definately adhere to it. Also, if possible, sit at the back so that you don't get noticed.
*Say as little as possible - because, in all honesty, the people you're in the meeting with won't actually give a fuck about what you have to say anyway and even if they did, what do you get from telling them your great scheme to reduce costs by 25% in just two weeks? Probably nothing. Sit down, shut up.
*Bring paper and a pen - This is useful because business meetings are boring and you're gonna need something to doodle in. Also, it looks like your paying attention and writing notes when your actually drawing a 1/16th scale detailed diagram of emporor zerg's spaceship (Although maybe thats just me...)
*Don't fall back on your chair - This will not only make you look ridiculously stupid, but will also attract attention. Apparantly you could also end up seriously injured, but that's just a minor consequence compared to being the laughing stock of your workplace for the next few months.
*Yawning and sleeping are bad - Try and keep your eyes open. Drink red bull or something. Just don't go to sleep or, again, you'll probably just attract attention to yourself. This may also decrease your chances of getting a promotion.
*Do not order a pizza to the meeting - Surprising as it is, the senior executive (probably) won't be too pleased with this. Im not sure why but that just seems to be the way things goes.
There we have it. You should now be better equipped to challenge the harsh world of business meetings. Good luck, and don't get fired.
Lastly, i'll leave you with a piece of advice that i learned at that business conference "Learn by experience - But it doens't have to be your own".
Posted by Mr.Character at 09:56